I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
