last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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