forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
