Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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