Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
