Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
