Having a random hookup so left but love u
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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