I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
