Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
