Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
