I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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