reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
