He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Randomize
