New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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