haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
