see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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