Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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