i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
