you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It's never too late to be topless.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
