my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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