You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He passed out mid-signature
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
