smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
