OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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