Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
