I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
