my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
