Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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