Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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