Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
