do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
