What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
