don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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