Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
