Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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