Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
