He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
