quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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