So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
