3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
