We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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