When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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