I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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