In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
