She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
