yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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