too bad you live with your parents still
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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