I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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