Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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