Pappa wants mamma naked
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
