I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
