Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
