Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
