I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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