I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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