A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
